Issue Archive

An Itching Problem

I had an employee come in one day who was practically dancing around with an itching problem in a sensitive place. I instructed him to call a doctor for an appointment immediately and could overhear the conversation as he did. When prompted for the location of the problem, he hesitantly replied that it was in his “gentile” area. Took me 10 minutes to get up off the floor.

Ken Sculley
Tom Horne Supply Co.
Thomasville, Ga.

Free Firewood

As a lumberyard we accumulate piles of wood pallets. The local fire department is always after us to get rid of them. A few years back we made a large sign out of an old sheet of 4×8 plywood. We painted on the plywood “FREE FIREWOOD” and put it in front of a pile of pallets and left it in front of our store overnight. Next morning all the pallets were still there but the plywood sign was gone.

Joel Kessel
Lynn Lumber Co. True Value
Lynn, Mass.

Espresso and Free Puppies

Sign posted on the salesfloor: “Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy. Thanks kindly, Morgan Hardware.”

Larry Floyd
Morgan Hardware
Lavonia, Ga.

Do You Have Any Left-Handed Nails?

A young, visibly frustrated customer came in recently and asked if we had left-handed nails. He said he was having real trouble driving nails in. We did not have any left-handed nails so we sold him a left-handed hammer.

Richard Filion
Eldredge Lumber & Hardware
York, Maine

We Sell Crack & Ship Pecans

We sell pecans in the fall and ship them from our post office in the store. We will also crack the pecans for a nominal price in our cracking machine. One year, obviously not thinking, I put on the portable sign on the street: WE SELL CRACK AND SHIP PECANS. It only took an hour to make me walk outside and change the sign. Customers still come in and ask if we are back in the drug business yet.

Gary Johnson
Home Ace Hardware
Columbus, Ga.

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